A letter to Bill

I never wanted  to kill you, love

I just wanted,  

to live you...

Dear Bill,

Let me tell you something  that I feel you should know. The thing is, love,  that I never meant to kill you.  And, as a matter of fact, you now know that I never did. Rather, I wanted to live you (us), as lively, densely, and magically, as you (us) already did inside my head, all over my body, and imprinted in  my soul. 
Along all these years  ( it feels like centuries, doesn’t it?),   you grew up inside me as a sequoia, those giant and long lasting trees that´s so huge that not even a dozen men can embrace. But, at some point on the road, the branches, trunks  of your absence started exploding inside me, understand? and i felt it had gained permanent roots... And that almost  killed me….  And, because I couldn’t feel your love surrounding me like now, I felt so desperate… and you know how good we both are on our survival strategies, don’t you?  
 So love, to survive and, and at the same time,  keep you (us) alive, I put you (us) right there in that hidden and dark place where the wild roses grow, and made sure,  that before leaving Iwould  tattoo you (us)  in  my soul. And I did...Do you understand what I mean, love?    
Silly me, to even dream that I could keep you (us) there in that haunted hide full of beautiful but dead roses... You know what? I´m glad I didn’t. Didn´t  succeed then and I guess, never will..

Forgive me for letting you think I killed you Bill. Please, forgive me.
And please, keep forever surrounding me with your love. You (we) are safe now that I know that your absence didn´t had very deep roots and that mine was not even ever born.

Yours always,

V.

P.S.  Don´t you ever  forget that, no matter what, you are forever tattoed in my soul.

John Everett Millais, Ophelia